So I should apologize in advance for any cyclist getting a bullshit ticket from an asshole cop today. It’s my fault, and here’s why:
I was heading East on Jackson towards Whitney Young High School this morning when I saw a Chicago Police SUV roll through a stop sign coming off of Laflin and speed through the school zone. I thought to myself, “What gives that cock sucker the right?” Putting motorists in danger, driving recklessly. Putting children in danger, speeding through a school zone – luckily the kiddies were all inside.
Anywho, he was moving at a pretty quick pace and sped away heading East down Jackson as well. Just so happens, our public servant parked his pork wagon in the bike lane right in front of the Police Academy. As he was walking towards the front door looking like most cops do: overweight and looking fatter in his body armor. If I must say so at this moment: there’s no need to wear the body armor. No one is going to shoot and kill you, piggy. Chicago already went through a stint with dead swine back when the Stock Yards were up in full-swing.
But I digress. As the cop was walking towards the front door of the Police Academy, I shouted out to him: “Nice parking job, buddy!” I was content with my statement. But – as if it was almost premeditated – the cop put his hand behind his head, without even missing a stride and flipped me off. Ha! I actually laughed to myself for a second. But then the militant me on my left shoulder jumped over to my right shoulder and kicked the holy fool hanging out there off his perch.
I wasn’t even mad, but I felt I needed to say more given the childish reaction to my statement and given the fact that this police officer – as most Chicago cops do – is blatantly breaking the law and scoffing at a private citizen calling him out on it. I know life isn’t fair. I get all that. And I know the CPD has “bigger things to worry about” but they aren’t cleaning up the streets, don’t do shit to serve and protect and really don’t give fuck-one about most people in this city.
So I quickly shouted to him: “Shove it up your ass, you fucking pig!” And then: “Go suck a fat cock, swine fucker!” I really wanted to call him a hypocrite and a two-faced POS, but my low-brow mentality got the best of me and I lowered myself to his level. Honestly, I don’t even think he would’ve understood my strife and my comments would’ve flown right over his salt-n-pepper flat top hair cut.
I continued to ride as I was on my way to work and immediately thought to myself: fuck man, this guy is gonna get back on patrol and take it out on the next cyclist he sees. It’s possible, so if that’s the case and someone today gets a ticket that maybe they wouldn’t normally get from a guy who just seems a little more miffed than average, that’s probably due in part because I can’t control myself when I see cops abusing power – no matter how insignificant it may seem to anyone.
There is a lack of mutual respect in this city between most cops and most cyclists. It’s a lack of empathy that is rampant in most city environments. But it’s no shock to anyone that the populace doesn’t respect the police, there’s nothing to respect. Immature, above-the-law wannabe motherfuckers with loaded weapons patrolling our streets for no other reason than to draw a paycheck and marginalize human beings. I could turn this into a book, but it’s already too long.
Keep the cops in check, Chicago. If you don’t, you’re rewarding bad behavior. And most of these cops act like children anyway, so they’ll take that shit and just run with it.
I leave you with this (it’s timeless):